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Attack of the Clo(w)nes

COMMENTARY: Of course … it’s the story that matters … yeah, right!

Attention Rick Berman!! Attention Rick Berman!!

You have been cleared to release the next “Star Trek” movie against the next “Star Wars” film. I repeat, release “Star Trek” at the same time as “Star Wars.” For the sake of science fiction fans everywhere.

Is George Lucas feeling OK? I mean seriously … I know that he wasn’t too happy how people didn’t like the way he wrote some of the dialogue for “Star Wars-Episode 1: The Phantom Menace,” but is this his way of exacting revenge?

Airlock Alpha doesn’t cover “Star Wars,” but it used to cover it as SyFy World, and I remember when Lucas first announced the name “The Phantom Menace” to the world. People at the time thought it was a rather weak, too comic-book style name. In fact many people — myself included — speculated that Lucas announced the name as a decoy, to throw off people who might try to capitalize on the next Star Wars name, and make a quick buck off it.

I’ll tell you what … I hope that’s the case this time around. Because if “Attack of the Clones” ends up as the title of the final film when it is released in 2002, I am going to petition the Oscar committee to give Phantom Menace an honorary award for being the best name ever (as compared to the title of Episode II, of course).

It wasn’t too long ago that Berman hinted that the release of the next “Star Trek” movie could take place in the spring, just around the same time as “Star Wars-Episode II” also would be making its way around theaters, probably breaking records. Hell, it seems like sometimes if you just re-released “Battlefield: Earth” with “Star Wars” in it’s name, it would break box office records everywhere. But I think this new name will definitely hurt the “Star Wars” franchise.

Now don’t get me wrong. I know most people see me as the “ultimate Trekkie” (Hey, I watched “Trekkies,” and trust me, I don’t even compare), but I really do love “Star Wars” — as long as they have Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher in it. “The Phantom Menace” really wasn’t that bad, but the editing could’ve been better, and someone other than Lucas should’ve written the dialogue (and whoever decided to add Jar Jar Binks should be shot). But I really think that Lucas is trying to destroy “Star Wars” so he is NEVER asked to make another one of them again. He is probably so fed up with hearing “Star Wars” this and “Star Wars” that over the last quarter century that he would jump into the production of “Cop Rock” just to get away.

It has been rumored that the name of the next Picard and Co. movie would be “Star Trek: Nemesis.” Now, let me look at this … if I were standing in the ticket line, and my choices were either “Nemesis” or “Attack of the Clones,” I wonder which one I would pick … hmmmm … that’s a tough one.

If Darth Vader knew that one of his movies would be called “Attack of the Clones,” he would be rolling in his grave. He’d probably ask Luke to have him killed in “A New Hope.” I know I would if I were him …

I guess it could’ve been worse for “Star Wars” fans, tho … Lucas could’ve called it “Star Wars-Episode 2: A Galaxy Far-Far Away’s Funniest Home Movie.”

Michael Hinman is the news editor and co-owner of Airlock Alpha

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Could they be a Rut-ro! Shaggy
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